Be strong young man, lead my people!

Be strong young man, lead my people!
Published: 09 August 2018 (245 Views)
I MUST admit that I really underestimated this young Wamba kid. I had initially never given him much chance, but I am really gratified and very delighted that God and the gods timely intervened in the nick of time to advise me that he was the right person to take over from me.

In hindsight, I now realise that I had erred on my first choice of a successor. Come to think of it, that choice was completely off the mark because he was too docile for a leader. He was hardly visible. He was going to be an embarrassment. But this young and energetic Chisa lad is what God and the gods really wanted, and who was I to refuse to anoint him. I must, however, hasten to warn the young fellow that being a leader is not for the faint hearted, and I can see that he takes after me on being brave and smart. Being only 40 now, he still has a great future ahead of him. He indeed defeated Goliath hands down in the elections, but he must not be in too much of a hurry to take over the reins of power. He must let his opponents enjoy the little time they have borrowed after unashamedly robbing him in the dead of night his hard-won victory.

When David killed Goliath he was only a boy and he only became king of Israel many, many years later. So he must patiently wait for the right time. Meanwhile, he has to quickly learn more about the ways of politics of this world. Five years is not a long time, actually. He has to keep them busy with that lawsuit even if chances of winning may be slim given that they are the ones calling the shots. He must keep them extra busy by reminding the now not so evil West to maintain those sanctions while demanding pronto all outstanding debts the country owes them. As you all realise that all these years I was not the problem in this country, the young lad has to understand that he is not fighting an individual but a system, which has many individuals. It's like he is fighting a monster such as that mythical Lernaean Hydra, which had many heads. Cutting off one head won't help because two more will grow in its place; so he has to aim for the heart of the dragon. And that heart is the people, the people, the people — that is what makes this monster survive.

That is why you find it now being very vicious with you my people. He has to understand how funny characters like this Blackman chap from Kwekwe finds his way into the august House when fundis like the Chinamasas, the Maheres, the Moyos; you name them are failing. I am very excited that the young man seems to have already discovered the secret to the destruction of the monster having grabbed so many seats from this monstrous party; but he has to tread with caution because many booby traps lie ahead. He has to be wary of who he keeps company with and who he drinks tea with. In fact, he has to watch his diet big time. He must avoid tea at all costs. It's a pity, my good old friend, Morgan (May His Soul Rest In Eternal Peace), should have schooled him on this one, but am sure he was too distracted up to his death. Which brings me to my next point: The Dalilahs of this world.

The young man should be on guard 24/7 because Delilahs of all shapes, sizes and colour texture — some even golden, will fall at his feet to entice. He needs to stick with the wife he has now, like I have stuck with my Grace through thick and thin. He has to completely ignore this talk of him not having kids and all that nonsense because royal family matters come first. There is always a time to have kids. At the moment, my people are like orphans; they need a strong and charismatic leader who mirrors me. And he is that leader. And lastly, some people think my spirit would be bothered if I am not buried at that useless hill called heroes acre. They can keep their useless rocky hill and see if I will not be able to join my God and the gods. Asante Sana!

Kindest Regards
Your One and Only Leader
ME


…AND NOW THE NOTE BOOK

Breaking records

ZIMBABWE has broken a fair number of records which have earned it a place in the Guinness World Records and remains in the running to break even more. We are pretty convinced that by the time Nelson Chamisa and his party complete their court challenge, the country will have a voting speed record from Mashonaland West and a few other outlying remote areas of the country. In these areas, thousands voted in record numbers in a space of 12 hours when in Harare it was taking an average of three hours for one to cast their ballot. Alleged vote rigging could also vie to enter the Guinness World Records, but it might be very difficult to beat the all time world record for rigging set in 1927 in Liberia by Charles King of the True Whig Party who was re-elected for a third term after spectacularly defeating Thomas Faulker of the People's Party. The elections were referred to as "the most rigged ever" by Francis Johnson-Morris, head of the country's National Elections Commission (the equivalent of the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission), which earned it a place in the Guinness World Records as the most fraudulent election ever reported in history because despite there being fewer than 15 000 registered voters, King received around 243 000 votes, compared to 9 000 for Faulkner. The losing candidate, Faulkner accused members of the True Whig Party government of using slave labour at home and selling slaves to the Spanish colony, as well as (interestingly) involving the army in the election process. We wonder how many times history has repeated itself across Africa since 1927. King was impeached about three years later and he quickly resigned.

Back to serious business
CAN someone quickly get this country moving again please! If it is the re-inauguration of our seating president, why is it taking so long to re-introduce him? Our new dispensation is getting old while some of our people eagerly wait to do the serious business of warming benches in Parliament. There are those allowances that need to be earned and we can't keep wasting time on frivolities. Our very respectable electoral body, ZEC, has already told the world that this ambitious young Chamisa lost the elections and if he wants to challenge the outcome he is more than free to do so in our courts. We cannot wait for him to first get his act together and come to court before we start really opening this country to serious business. There is so much that needs to be done. We need to increase our exports and raise much needed foreign currency to buy new cars for the more than 200 parliamentarians as well as our very loyal chiefs who made it possible for this country to peacefully conduct very free and fair elections. There are also those long distance foreign trips our leader must immediately undertake, so please let's get down to serious business.

Wither
THESE elections successfully helped split this country right down the middle. While many hoped the elections would leave us firmly on track to a better Zimbabwe, some of these tweets left us wondering whether we are coming or going.

I don't have five years to waste on hope. Zimbabwe, you have decided. It's cool. I am lucky to be my mother's only child. My mother will decide whether she remains in Zim or joins kids and I here. At this point, other than my father's grave, nothing else binds me to Zim. I'm done. @leendiwe

Congratulations President @edmnangagwa for winning Zimbabwe's democratic elections. Let all forces in Zimbabwe accept the outcome and allow Zimbabwe to recover from years of economic and social devastation. Well done @nelsonchamisa for putting up a formidable electoral war! @FloydShivambu

Starting tomorrow, I put my head down! I hustle hard! I need to escape! Get gone! Work and learn. Add more educational qualifications. Apply! Leave! Next elections, I should tweet from abroad maybe. @SlimSem

The ZEC scandal of releasing unverified fake results is regrettable. ZEC denied our election agent access to results before announcement. ZEC must release proper & verified results endorsed by parties. The level of opaqueness, truth deficiency, moral decay & values deficit is baffling. @nelsonchamisa

There are glaring discrepencies in the results announced tonight: Our voters' roll has 644 974 voters registered for Mashonaland West. ZEC statistics announced 655 361 on the voters' roll. Where did an additional 11k voters come from? @Williamz902

I really want to believe this Open for business mantra. I even want to play my part, however small, in it, but team yacho mhani! @Zimtweets

If this is the way God has chosen for us, waiting for the happy ending. In his word Pharaoh never defeated Moses and Goliath never defeated David. Thats how faithful our God is! @Chriszimtalk

Nelson Chamisa fought a good fight; he ran a good race! I believe his dream of leading Zimbabwe hasn't come to an end, rather it has just began. His future and his present are exciting and pregnant with hope! @trevormaisiri

Anyways. I don't need Chigumba to come back and tell us what we know. I'm out. This country isn't for me. I love it. But I can't seriously proceed with the SAME and hope for different results. I should have never come back. I did 10yrs back and tried to play a part. I failed. @begottensun

A party that scoffs at the poor, enriches itself, blames the victims of its violence & marginalises the disadvantaged, will never be a party I want to be a part of or ever support. Again, if you support ZANU-PF, please block me. I genuinely have no interest in your daily commentary. @Just_Midzi

Congratulations to President @edmnangagwa. The last few months have had ups & downs, some downs led to the regrettable loss of human life. Political contestation must never override national interest. To those who haven't won, be gracious, accept the outcome & maintain peace. @MinisterSBMoyo

Welcome to Africa, where even in the face of sufficient facts of repression, dictatorship & brutality, the victim is blamed & the dictator is glorified. Someone is raped or sexually harassed coz she/he invited it, so they say. Africa my Africa please!!! @MutasaPeter

I can't believe how many "I've decided to leave Zim" messages I've received this morning from solid professionals and friends. I'm not even sure what to say back. @advocatemahere

Please tell them their country needs you. They must engage the new government with sincerity and work for the good of the country. If they are educated professionals then they know govts don't create jobs, but merely create a conducive environment. Spread hope and not despair. @JustinMahlahla

Dear ZANU-PF! You aught to be very magnanimous during this period . It's sobering that 49.2% of the Voters don't have faith in your leadership! There is a huge trust deficit, only actions not words can FIX this situation #Zimbabwe. @ali_naka

There's frustration, anger and a feeling of despair and betrayal. But cool heads at this time. The devil is in the detail. Clinically look at the numbers. Identify and compile anomalies. A clean mandate is good for Zimbabwe so whatever questions arise must be answered. @Wamagaisa


- financial gazzette

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