I owe no one any apology about Obama, Cdes

I owe no one any apology about Obama, Cdes
Published: 30 July 2015 (1279 Views)
Dear Cabinet and Politburo members

COMRADES, I notice that my detractors and their local handlers have decided to mislead our people into believing that because I decided not to be in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, when American President, that boy Barack Obama, addressed the African Union (AU), is a sign that I am afraid of him.

Those of you who know me as well as you should, know that there is no scintilla of truth in this rather bizarre claim for I am not the sort of person who is easily scared.

The reason I did not attend the non-event is never a secret…I do not like American foreign policy of interfering in the internal affairs of sovereign states, and if my dislike can be interpreted as hate for Americans, then let it be so. I just do not like them… and who does not know that more than 80 percent of the problems we face today as a country come from Washington?

Some say I should have attended in my capacity as AU chair, but it should be known and accepted that I am first and foremost a Zimbabwean before I become the AU chair, so it is my Zimbabwean-ness that I put first in situations like this one.

Besides, there is nothing that I can sit and listen to from that little boy still wet behind the ears, who is merely a puppet of white capitalists… absolutely nothing, so why should I waste my time travelling all the way to Ethiopia to listen to just another visitor passing through that place?

And besides, I am simply paying the evil West by their own coin… whenever progressive leaders like myself and others stand up to address important gatherings like the United National General Assembly, America leads its racist and imperialist cousins in walking out and even their television channels like Cable News Network and the British Broadcasting Corporation do not give us any coverage because they do not want the world to know the basic truths that we say. So why then should we be made to listen to a passing American President talking?

I have no apology whatsoever to make about not being there!

In the meantime, you can all see the hand of the British and their evil American cousins in FIFA's decision to bar our country from participating in the qualifiers for the 2018 Soccer World Cup tournament.

The decision had nothing whatsoever to do with what the Zimbabwe Football Association has done or not done. The British just decided to spite our people, more so considering that we would be having elections in 2018… they hope voters, who also happen to be avid soccer fans, will be angry with us and therefore cast protest votes against my administration. How many times do we have to remind these desperate chaps that these tired tricks no longer work?

Anyway, come 2018, the people of Zimbabwe - soccer fans included - will be voting resoundingly for our party as they have done before. That I can assure you!

Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely


"Fears raised by my learned friend (Lovemore Madhuku) of employees being hired and fired willy-nilly by employers have not been substantiated.

"The issues raised by him are not worthy consideration because they do not consider the law." This was Advocate Thabani Mpofu arguing when the Supreme Court was hearing the Zuva Petroleum labour case.

Please do not ask Dr CZ what happened immediately after the court passed a ruling on the case.

This week, the same Supreme Court returned with another shock ruling on workers' allowances. At the rate at which these rulings are coming, slavery might as well be enshrined in the Constitution!

Still on court rulings, it still beats Dr CZ hands down how a court of law orders the seizure and auctioning of Morgan Tsvangirai's personal property to satisfy a judgment debt passed against the Movement for Democratic Change (MDC-T) political party. All along we were made to believe that Tsvangirai and the MDC-T party were two different legal personas that could be sued in their own right.

Put it the other way round, suppose Tsvangirai gets himself into trouble with the women that he appears to love so much, and one of them sues him, can the courts order the attachment and sell of MDC-T property to make good the judgment?

So in the unlikely event that Zanu-PF, which we are made to understand had not been able to pay some of its workers in the provinces, gets sued, can the same courts order the attachment of the personal property of its leader? Can the reader see why Dr CZ, clear-minded as he always thinks he is, gets baffled?

The danger of having some of these judgments is that visitors and investors will give that country a very wide berth.

It is not surprising that Air Zimbabwe recently polished its own world record by flying in one passenger on a flight from South Africa to Victoria Falls. This impressive record was set in 2006 when it flew a lone passenger all the way from Dubai to Harare.

This remarkable feat was repeated again in 2011 when the airline flew one passenger from Victoria Falls to Harare. Maybe the airline operates on the law of averages because in 2012, a captain and a senior flight attendant were suspended after they had flown an overloaded Boeing 737 plane with a few standing passengers.

While every well-meaning Zimbo should be seized with the political and economic problems that afflict this country, proportional representative legislator, one woman called Priscilla Misihairabwi-Mushonga has something better to do with herself. She has decided it is high time children stopped using their fathers' surnames, and use their mothers'. And she says she is ready for the fight.

"I am not joking," she was quoted in the media saying. "This is going to be serious debate. I am going to get a Ncube name! That is my mother's name. It is my name. It is in my blood line."

It is certainly a shaming after-thought on the noisy legislator that this idea visited her when she was already saddled with a double-barrel surname having tenaciously refused to slough off her late husband's surname Mushonga in addition to her own father's, Misihairabwi.

Someone once described the late novelist Dambudzo Marechera as "a one-man civil war." In Priscilla, we could be having another one on our hands.

Recent media reports emanating from Bulawayo suggested that the honourable legislator was involved in a nasty brawl with her sister-in-law at her brother's funeral. The brother had apparently committed suicide.

Last week, she was frothing in the House of Assembly that the importation of second-hand underwear should be banned for health and hygiene reasons, blah, blah and went on to lower the dignity of all women by parading the underwear in the august House.

Maybe it was time someone told Priscilla to keep her opinions to herself, just in the same way Register-General Tobaiwa Mudede has been asked to keep his "expert" opinion on family planning to himself and one "Sekuru" Rotina Mavhunga.

By the way, readers might remember this newspaper running a story a few months ago in which it was revealed that the sister suffers from a condition that should certainly explain her mercurial mood swings.

"It is not a dark secret. It is true that I was diagnosed with clinical depression and a panic disorder for which I am under medication.

"This is common in people who have gone through trauma. I went through trauma; I went through many things including that whole process of inheritance battles when my husband died," she told this newspaper in April.


The Professor and Wasu missed their bus and were stranded in Chimanimani and decided to pitch up for the night, as there were no buses until the next day. Luckily Wasu had a tent, as he was more accustomed to the bus timetable in the remote area.

After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Wasu wakes the Professor and says, "Ishe wangu honourable Professor ringai kumatenga (look up) and tell me what you see?"

The Professor replies: "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asked Wasu.

The Professor ponders for a minute then says: "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. And to you Wasu?"

Wasu shakes his head and says: "Zvimwe hazvidi s'kuru mhani, hamuone here kuti tende rabiwa?" (Some things do not need education, can't you see the tent has been stolen?


- fingaz

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